INCOMPLETE

Why trusting is so hard
Why decisions terrify us
Why love is so ugly
Why memories shatter us
Why trying is so difficult
Why words confuse us
Why roads are broken
Why freedom scares us
Why talking is so
Why dreams break us
Why it looks complete
But still it's so incomplete

If it's bad for you, it's worse for her/him

                             I thought it's tough for me. But NO....it's tougher for her. It always was...I was just busy questioning WHY ME???? and complaining, thinking that i am the only one suffering like every other human being without realizing She is the one in pain all this while. She is the one tolerating it for a longer period. She is the one who was introduced to it before me. Like they say when people are always with us we start taking them for granted, may be that's what i did even if i didn't want to..Sometimes we realize when that very person leaves us or sometimes when rest of the people leave us,that's when we notice the only one remaining with us. I never stopped loving her but my priority changed. Now that i realize She is my top most priority i realize that she is bruised. And those scars were there for years, neither did anybody notice nor she showed. She just said it so casually that you would mistaken it for a regular conversation. But because i know that voice and i know the intensity of that sound i know the intensity of the storm that is compressed inside her. I just try to make her life little bit easier if not the whole of it. I know she is strong enough...It's just that i don't want to see her like this. I obviously cannot express but what i can do is be there for her and support in whatever way i can. You are not the only one who's suffering there are a lot of people who are in worse condition. Be kind, help people in whatever way you can because sometimes we actually help ourselves while we hell others. Stop asking the same "why me" because it's not just you It's the way Life is.. For some it's bad and for some it's worse. Hold each other's hand and live through the storm.

Trying to comprehend

                      I saw him sitting in his home today...he was silent like his usual self.But there was certain darkness...like a cloud or something, but it seemed normal as that is his normal state. Later I got to know that he has lost his relative. I have never seen him sad or sympathetic towards someone. He is always busy being rude. But I feel sad for him. I don't know whether he is feeling that way or it's just another thing for him, as I have never seen that kind of side of him. But may be I am feeling what he should feel. Even if he is not feeling something, now that I look at him it's dark. Or may be he is not feeling anything actually. But how can a person not feel something?? It's true that, that's how he is. No signs of emotions..yeah! He laughs..yeah! He gets angry but never Sensitive..neither for someone nor for some situation. Today when I look at him he is serious as usual. I don't know if there is a storm inside him or it's just the usual sea. But what I know is I feel bad and at the same time again what I don't know is it's for him or for his loss 

WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO FOR OTHERS...

Why we do some things for others...Obviously because we care for them but also because we think that the feeling is mutual.Some times we are there to hold there hands when they are about to fall may be there is nothing that we want in return but when we are about to fall we wish if any of those persons could be there just to hear us out or just to be there for us it would have been easier..even if we have fallen it would have been a fall from which we could always rise.But that feeling is not mutual always and in some cases never.we ask ourselves "what the hell in this world did i do to deserve nobody???"you feel hollowed when there is nobody even to watch you fall.But hey! You can always rise whenever you want to even if there are no hands for you..

Wanting to have something that you are so sure not to have

               Sometimes i have it all figured out about the future thing..not all about it but about a certain track.And i am so sure of it.But there are some tiny things that trigger certain things...you know things deeply buried somewhere in the corner of your heart.And suddenly it's like wanting those things back which you are so sure not to have.it's like wanting to have them all over again.Feeling them all over again...wishing for them all over again...wishing them to be a part of you like they always were.Even if you are so sure you just want to go back to have those things which you totally don't want to have...the heart sinks and the eyes show the amount of desires buried.neither you want to unbury them nor to let them be buried.you feel heavy but whatever's gone is always a part of you which you gotta accept and the decision you once made,you made them for a reason.You owe it to yourself to give your choices some amount of respect.which is buried either let it decay or let it rise and get along with it.Because dilemma is certainly not a good place where you can dwell forever....

Self Pity...

               For the first time i am pitying myself...Even i find it strange coming from myself because i am usually the one who believes self pity is not an option.I am not able to recognize what triggered this kind of feeling but yeah i feel week...Which i hate to feel..I feel alone.I actually love being lonely but suddenly i don't... Suddenly i have a kind of urge to have someone just by my side just to ensure i am not alone.I know that tomorrow i won't be feeling these things.But every night is becoming hard for me.I watch people sleeping day and night but i am just not able to sleep.Every night the thoughts of these kinds creep in my mind.When i close my eyes either i see the darker shade of the dark or scattered things...Sometimes i am too afraid to be afraid...Sometimes i am afraid of the fame...and sometimes of the ignorance.. I am so confused about approximately everything that it's getting tougher and tougher...It isn't like i give up...i try each door...but seems like when the door was actually there i didn't see it and now i am just hallucinating..Life is not all about surviving it's all about living...live it before it leaves you...and grab each door before it's remorse starts grabbing you

LOOKING AT YOU

My nights are sleepless
And days are rough
But looking at you,
Heals them all
I may break
I may cry
But looking at you
Gives me strength
The sun never
Shines for me
The clouds are
Often rude to me
But looking at you
Gives me hope
Without you nothing
Seems right
Just broken dreams
And incomplete life
But looking at you
Makes me smile 😊

THE TRUTH....

                                                                      No matter how sad,how bad,how angry,how aggressive or how disgusted you feel after knowing the truth, the truth is you need that.You needed that all this while.No doubt, it will piss you off at first but as they say IT WILL SET YOU FREE.It may destroy your every inch of hopes and beliefs but the next thing it will do is,free you from the burden of that deceptive appearance.You may cry,you may fall,you may break into pieces,but after all,it is something that you have to accept.It may be sweet or it may be bitter as hell,all you gotta do is listen it out or sometimes find it out.You may not accept it and keep holding on to your fallacious imagination,but time will come when you won't have any option rather than accepting it.THE TRUTH CANNOT BE CHANGED,FORGOTTEN,EDITED OR ERASED....IT CAN ONLY BE ACCEPTED

If it hurts...It's not love

                               Recently i read somewhere, "don't fall in love,rise in love".I thought for a second and realized what a beautiful line it was. People say love is pain.Love can hurt you in a way that you can not escape, but i think Love is something more than 4 alphabets. It never lets you down, it inspires you, it is something that makes you a better person or rather a happy person. Love gives you happiness, the mere thought of your beloved, which can be anyone- your family,friends,lover or any other person, makes you smile, not the fake one but it makes your soul smile. Yeah sometimes may be you miss them or you may have some problems but even at that time it doesn't give you pain.It's kind of dissatisfaction or ignorance that you feel because your expectations are not fulfilled or you just don't like the way it is..That is not pain because still when you think about that person, everything about that person somewhere deep down you feel happy.But pain is when you just want to undo every incident with that person because it hurts so much that you can not take it anymore.It's when you want to unmeeting him at the first place.May be because you are not able to love them anymore becaise it's taking away a part of you because you are losing yourself in the process of loving them or may be because it's enough...it's too late.Because you waited and waited and waited even tried but it's not happiness anymore...it's PAIN.That's the time to realize that's it's not Love anymore.Because Love never hurts.Rejection,disappointments etc may hurt but loving someone never hurts and if it does than it's not Love..And when it's not love you know what to do... 

Not a feminist view but a woman view...

                      I was never the FEMINIST type,neither i am saying that i am.But you know! SEEING THINGS CHANGES THE WAY YOU SEE THINGS.It's a shame that even in 21st century we live in a patriarchal society.Even in this age women are suffering from the TYPICAL SUPERIOR MALE EGO.Now days we see that a lot of women are fighting back and rising up against domestic violence,martial rape and all such things.But sometimes women don't suffer from a visible dominance but from an invinsible I KNOW IT ALL egoistic nature. Her walls are cracked but still she is keeping her foundation strong enduring all the hammering. She is being like this not because she can not protest but because if she will let her thoughts speak out loud then the entire building will be destroyed.Her whole world that she created enduring all the pain and drying all the tears will be shattered into pieces...Because now it's not only about her, but also about her creations.Because she doesn't want the balance which she have maintained for ages to be polluted.Because after all these ages she doesn't want to break the peace or the outer protection that sometimes exists inspite of the cracked walls.She is not the one who needs sympathy or the feminist view or some inspiring story because inside may be she is hopeless but outside she is an EPITOME OF HOPE, OF SELF INDEPENDENCE, OF MAKING THE DIFFERENCE.She contributes to the society. She does whatever she can do for her people, for her literature, family and everything and everybody.She may not be the ALWAYS BEING SWEET KIND...But she is the TRUEST KIND.Yeah!! She lies...she complains but at the end she GIVES.She is the one who needs bit of support, bit of love, bit of care.Actually she doesn't need...SHE DESERVES as she has been having what she doesn't deserve and most importantly what she deserves is a lot of RESPECT.

You can not find a thing which is not there....

                                                          So it's not about some random love,a guy whom you admire or boyfriend or lover or any that kind of thing.It's about something SUPERIOR.About someone whom you see regularly,observe regularly...may be for years....Somebody who is always there but you never feel his presence.Somebody we wish to be what he is but that someone is so different from their typical type that you can not get used to him even if it's after ages.It feels the same way,always.... even after so many years as it felt for the first time when you realized it.You try to love him..you try harder to find love IN him...but it's not there...And that love,trust me, is not something which can be substituted by anyone or anything ever.You CRAVE for it but you just can not get it.You see all the people who have that love from his typical type but for you it's just something you can not have or say,never have.It's not because it's his fault or your fault..It's just because it's NOT THERE....And obviously you can not ask for something which is not there to somebody who is there,but still never there...All you can do is feel the same way every time ALL OVER AGAIN...

Talking to people is way more easy in our imagination...

                                                          We talk a lot in our imagination...Be it an introvert person or any person.Even we react to imaginary situations in our head..we plan to talk and react in a particular way but sometimes it's so different in the real life situation.May be because people act and react in a different manner in our head.Even for an introvert person it's easy to talk in utopia.We are in our imaginary comfort zone in our imaginations and when that veil is unveiled by the real life it shocks us or surprises us.Even when we face a hard situation in our head it ends up being easy for us or say,less hard.Imagine...imagination is a part of our life or technically a part of us.It's beautiful and at times, it shows us a way which we can not see but do not live in your imagination.Let the imagination be a part of you but do not let yourself be a part of it...
p.s-don't let imagination overpower your vision

check out my composition

check out my composition

we feel life just when we feel like dying

kidnapped by myself...

                                   I have kidnapped myself and I am forcing myself to do things that may be I don't like.I am making myself do those things nothing but with a huge smile.sometimes I don't like,sometimes I do...but that does not matter...I do it eventually no matter what because I am told to do so.it's for my own good but sometimes it feels like that's not me..not even like me but I end up doing all which I am told to.it's good to be controlled by someone even if it's myself...

IT'S GOOD...

                                     Sometimes it's good to be lonely,but not alone..having people around you but still no one to ask about you.You can smile n even laugh loud without explaining your past to them cause either they r not interested or they don't give a damn!! It's good when you don't have to listen to people's advice about how to live a better life cause they don't know how your life is.It's good how well they accept your changed lifestyle cause they are not well known with your lifestyle before...It's good to live like a moron cause nobody knows if you are a moron or not...It's good if no one cares...

a NEW year...

                                   the day is same...month is same..just the year is different..but it's up to you whether you want it to be new or not.If you want you can hold on to yesterday but you have choice...May on this year you choose to be new,to be better and may you choose to grow...wishing you a brand new year full of hope,colour,prosperity, success,happiness,growth and spark....