If it's bad for you, it's worse for her/him

                             I thought it's tough for me. But NO....it's tougher for her. It always was...I was just busy questioning WHY ME???? and complaining, thinking that i am the only one suffering like every other human being without realizing She is the one in pain all this while. She is the one tolerating it for a longer period. She is the one who was introduced to it before me. Like they say when people are always with us we start taking them for granted, may be that's what i did even if i didn't want to..Sometimes we realize when that very person leaves us or sometimes when rest of the people leave us,that's when we notice the only one remaining with us. I never stopped loving her but my priority changed. Now that i realize She is my top most priority i realize that she is bruised. And those scars were there for years, neither did anybody notice nor she showed. She just said it so casually that you would mistaken it for a regular conversation. But because i know that voice and i know the intensity of that sound i know the intensity of the storm that is compressed inside her. I just try to make her life little bit easier if not the whole of it. I know she is strong enough...It's just that i don't want to see her like this. I obviously cannot express but what i can do is be there for her and support in whatever way i can. You are not the only one who's suffering there are a lot of people who are in worse condition. Be kind, help people in whatever way you can because sometimes we actually help ourselves while we hell others. Stop asking the same "why me" because it's not just you It's the way Life is.. For some it's bad and for some it's worse. Hold each other's hand and live through the storm.

Trying to comprehend

                      I saw him sitting in his home today...he was silent like his usual self.But there was certain darkness...like a cloud or something, but it seemed normal as that is his normal state. Later I got to know that he has lost his relative. I have never seen him sad or sympathetic towards someone. He is always busy being rude. But I feel sad for him. I don't know whether he is feeling that way or it's just another thing for him, as I have never seen that kind of side of him. But may be I am feeling what he should feel. Even if he is not feeling something, now that I look at him it's dark. Or may be he is not feeling anything actually. But how can a person not feel something?? It's true that, that's how he is. No signs of emotions..yeah! He laughs..yeah! He gets angry but never Sensitive..neither for someone nor for some situation. Today when I look at him he is serious as usual. I don't know if there is a storm inside him or it's just the usual sea. But what I know is I feel bad and at the same time again what I don't know is it's for him or for his loss 

WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO FOR OTHERS...

Why we do some things for others...Obviously because we care for them but also because we think that the feeling is mutual.Some times we are there to hold there hands when they are about to fall may be there is nothing that we want in return but when we are about to fall we wish if any of those persons could be there just to hear us out or just to be there for us it would have been easier..even if we have fallen it would have been a fall from which we could always rise.But that feeling is not mutual always and in some cases never.we ask ourselves "what the hell in this world did i do to deserve nobody???"you feel hollowed when there is nobody even to watch you fall.But hey! You can always rise whenever you want to even if there are no hands for you..

Wanting to have something that you are so sure not to have

               Sometimes i have it all figured out about the future thing..not all about it but about a certain track.And i am so sure of it.But there are some tiny things that trigger certain things...you know things deeply buried somewhere in the corner of your heart.And suddenly it's like wanting those things back which you are so sure not to have.it's like wanting to have them all over again.Feeling them all over again...wishing for them all over again...wishing them to be a part of you like they always were.Even if you are so sure you just want to go back to have those things which you totally don't want to have...the heart sinks and the eyes show the amount of desires buried.neither you want to unbury them nor to let them be buried.you feel heavy but whatever's gone is always a part of you which you gotta accept and the decision you once made,you made them for a reason.You owe it to yourself to give your choices some amount of respect.which is buried either let it decay or let it rise and get along with it.Because dilemma is certainly not a good place where you can dwell forever....

Self Pity...

               For the first time i am pitying myself...Even i find it strange coming from myself because i am usually the one who believes self pity is not an option.I am not able to recognize what triggered this kind of feeling but yeah i feel week...Which i hate to feel..I feel alone.I actually love being lonely but suddenly i don't... Suddenly i have a kind of urge to have someone just by my side just to ensure i am not alone.I know that tomorrow i won't be feeling these things.But every night is becoming hard for me.I watch people sleeping day and night but i am just not able to sleep.Every night the thoughts of these kinds creep in my mind.When i close my eyes either i see the darker shade of the dark or scattered things...Sometimes i am too afraid to be afraid...Sometimes i am afraid of the fame...and sometimes of the ignorance.. I am so confused about approximately everything that it's getting tougher and tougher...It isn't like i give up...i try each door...but seems like when the door was actually there i didn't see it and now i am just hallucinating..Life is not all about surviving it's all about living...live it before it leaves you...and grab each door before it's remorse starts grabbing you

LOOKING AT YOU

My nights are sleepless
And days are rough
But looking at you,
Heals them all
I may break
I may cry
But looking at you
Gives me strength
The sun never
Shines for me
The clouds are
Often rude to me
But looking at you
Gives me hope
Without you nothing
Seems right
Just broken dreams
And incomplete life
But looking at you
Makes me smile 😊

THE TRUTH....

                                                                      No matter how sad,how bad,how angry,how aggressive or how disgusted you feel after knowing the truth, the truth is you need that.You needed that all this while.No doubt, it will piss you off at first but as they say IT WILL SET YOU FREE.It may destroy your every inch of hopes and beliefs but the next thing it will do is,free you from the burden of that deceptive appearance.You may cry,you may fall,you may break into pieces,but after all,it is something that you have to accept.It may be sweet or it may be bitter as hell,all you gotta do is listen it out or sometimes find it out.You may not accept it and keep holding on to your fallacious imagination,but time will come when you won't have any option rather than accepting it.THE TRUTH CANNOT BE CHANGED,FORGOTTEN,EDITED OR ERASED....IT CAN ONLY BE ACCEPTED