WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO FOR OTHERS...

Why we do some things for others...Obviously because we care for them but also because we think that the feeling is mutual.Some times we are there to hold there hands when they are about to fall may be there is nothing that we want in return but when we are about to fall we wish if any of those persons could be there just to hear us out or just to be there for us it would have been easier..even if we have fallen it would have been a fall from which we could always rise.But that feeling is not mutual always and in some cases never.we ask ourselves "what the hell in this world did i do to deserve nobody???"you feel hollowed when there is nobody even to watch you fall.But hey! You can always rise whenever you want to even if there are no hands for you..

Wanting to have something that you are so sure not to have

               Sometimes i have it all figured out about the future thing..not all about it but about a certain track.And i am so sure of it.But there are some tiny things that trigger certain things...you know things deeply buried somewhere in the corner of your heart.And suddenly it's like wanting those things back which you are so sure not to have.it's like wanting to have them all over again.Feeling them all over again...wishing for them all over again...wishing them to be a part of you like they always were.Even if you are so sure you just want to go back to have those things which you totally don't want to have...the heart sinks and the eyes show the amount of desires buried.neither you want to unbury them nor to let them be buried.you feel heavy but whatever's gone is always a part of you which you gotta accept and the decision you once made,you made them for a reason.You owe it to yourself to give your choices some amount of respect.which is buried either let it decay or let it rise and get along with it.Because dilemma is certainly not a good place where you can dwell forever....

Self Pity...

               For the first time i am pitying myself...Even i find it strange coming from myself because i am usually the one who believes self pity is not an option.I am not able to recognize what triggered this kind of feeling but yeah i feel week...Which i hate to feel..I feel alone.I actually love being lonely but suddenly i don't... Suddenly i have a kind of urge to have someone just by my side just to ensure i am not alone.I know that tomorrow i won't be feeling these things.But every night is becoming hard for me.I watch people sleeping day and night but i am just not able to sleep.Every night the thoughts of these kinds creep in my mind.When i close my eyes either i see the darker shade of the dark or scattered things...Sometimes i am too afraid to be afraid...Sometimes i am afraid of the fame...and sometimes of the ignorance.. I am so confused about approximately everything that it's getting tougher and tougher...It isn't like i give up...i try each door...but seems like when the door was actually there i didn't see it and now i am just hallucinating..Life is not all about surviving it's all about living...live it before it leaves you...and grab each door before it's remorse starts grabbing you